Scared (Beginning of my autobiography)

"God Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Throughout my life I have tried to live by this prayer but often I have hid behind it. Though I know better then to try and fight something I will never be able to win against often I give up on something that may just be too hard to change. If something is difficult does that always mean it is impossible? The answer to that question is "no". Sometimes we just get scared, or we need an excuse to give up, so we say it is impossible and we hide behind this false sense of pride that we failed but we at least tried. Though sometimes it is a good thing to try and fail, it is none the less a failure. So do not confuse this quote with your own twisted version, we can change things in our own lives, but only if we really want to and only if we are strong enough to do it. The real wisdom is knowing that you can change the things that seem to be inevitable and make them whatever you wish them to be.

Growing up we are made to believe we can do ANYTHING, but as we grow though the theory never changes we begin to change in our own way. We become pessemistic and annoyed and we stop seeing possibility and the theory of dreams and wishes slowly fades into the distance as we slowly and painfully are dragged down the predictible and "smart" path that most adults seem drawn to. So when does the pain stop? At what point do we make the change from hopeful child to numb boring adults? Do we ever really change or are we forever masking that hurting teenage feeling inside of us? Sometimes I think it will never go away, but only I can make that decision and only I can change the way I feel. I'm slowly realizing blaming others will change nothing because change must come from within. Although I know this I am saddened by the feeling that I will never follow my own advice. I am scared and weak and though what I want is almost at my fingertips, I hold on to the notion that I have to accept the things I can not change, and this is the true source of my unhappiness.

I'm scared